Hi, everyone.

I hope you are all feeling well.

My daughter is driving

My time at home on leave is going really well, despite the odd interruptions from services. Last night my husband, Andrew, and my daughter,  Laura, drove to Leeds to pick up Laura’s first new car (a Mini). She was so thrilled when she got home, and the pleasure I felt to see her face was amazing. Today Andrew and I were driven by Laura on a twenty-mile journey to her friend’s house, and she made only a couple of minor mistakes. I can’t believe she is doing so well with her lessons, and at some point in the imminent future she will be mobile and independent. That’s when the worries will start and I’ll be wishing she was the 5lb baby laid in her crib, safe and secure, seventeen years ago.

Laura also shocked me today by telling me she would like to go to Edinburgh Uni. I worry how I’ll cope when she flies the nest –  especially so far away. It is exciting, though, to see her develop and flourish. My other daughter, Jenifer, is also happy as she flies to Marbella on Sunday with her friends for a fortnight, which is another motherly concern. It’s lovely to see her so happy and excited.

Happy family

Andrew seems more settled, which makes a change. He’s gone about his manly duties, mowing the lawn, cleaning the car and putting the bins out. I’m trying to hold on to my advice to everyone earlier on in the week about remaining positive. Today I’ve made a conscious effort to only focus on the nice experiences I have felt  today as my day hasn’t all been good. The pleasure of seeing my family more settled and happy helped me to share their happiness and made me feel good.

Section to continue?

I had a lovely lie-in this morning, after a good night’s sleep, which makes a change. I woke up and checked my phone to see numerous missed calls and messages. The messages were from my solicitor who is representing me for my appeal against my section, and from my consultant. They were ringing to inform me that a tribunal had been arranged for tomorrow at 2 p.m. My consultant wanted to talk about my section so she could make a decision as to what to recommend – whether I stay on the section and go onto a section 3 or would she be happy to lift the section 2 and discharge me. She seemed to favour continuing the section and asked for my opinion. Naturally, I’ll favour no section, but surely the purpose of the tribunal is for that description to be made by an independent panel.

Positive circle

Talking about my future with my consultant and then later with my solicitor sent me on a “downer”, and the voices and thoughts became more apparent. I tugged at my elastic band several times to try and remind me that having a “positive mental attitude” would keep me well and allow me to function better. It was hard work to stop myself from entering a dissociative state or doing something destructive, but I feel proud to say that I managed it. Today’s feelings of apprehension about how I’m going to face the future felt grim. However, facing the negative thoughts I was feeling actually made me feel happy that I had managed to tackle my worries and anxieties head-on and overcome the horrible symptoms I was having. Therefore, what would normally be a negative vicious circle has turned into a “positive circle”. All I have to do now is tackle the nerves I am feeling about tomorrow and what future holds.

Will be back tomorrow to fill you in on the day’s events and the outcome of my hearing. Oh, and more importantly how I cope with the stresses I experience.

Good night everyone and sleep well.

Love and best wishes