Good morning, everyone.

Apologies for not getting back to you at the end of my day yesterday. Not long after I had posted yesterday’s entry the post arrived and two letters for me did not make enjoyable reading. One was from my solicitor representing me for the police issue and the other was from the Health Professionals Council (HPC). They both reminded me of the mess that I am in and worried me all day. The HPC letter said there had been a complaint made against me by the ambulance service about my “fitness to practice”. The complaint stems from the Nottinghamshire County Council Emergency Duty Team contacting my employer stating I was “mentally unstable and a risk to myself and others”. Therefore my employers have a procedure to follow and one of their actions has to be making the HPC aware of the inter-agencies’ concerns. Whilst the letter did say I can still practise as a paramedic until the HPC carry out an investigation, the whole idea of my career being on the line makes me feel sick to the stomach with worry and anxiety.

Close to breaking point

As for the police issue, reading between the lines it seems that case may well be dropped and no further action will be taken. However, the idea of being in trouble with the police frightens me and if I do receive a caution or conviction I will instantly lose my job and the decent income it brings. I feel I have so many mountains to climb before I get near to any kind of normality. Knowing that I have a million and one things to sort out in respect of my home circumstances, my health and my career is emotionally draining and frustrating. I really don’t know how much more I can take and I am fearing that I am close to breaking point.

I don’t want to start the day on a downer or impact on anyone who is feeling low so I’m going to try and be positive. I got up early this morning as I’d struggled sleeping and was having some vivid and distressing dreams. The sun is out again with a nice cool breeze. I’m sitting in the garden admiring the work Andrew and I did yesterday and trying to feel good about it. I am a big believer that there is always a solution to a problem so I’m trying to work out what I can do to ease my distress and worries about my current situation. I think today has to be a thinking day to try and come up with ways forward to sort out the mess I am in as opposed to dwelling on it.

Advice appreciated

Today is a day when I would really appreciate comments from you all with any advice. Maybe you have found yourself in a similar situation and managed to overcome it in a healthy, practical and positive way? I would love to hear any advice or support which may help me through this difficult time. Meanwhile I’ll keep twanging my elastic band, enjoying the sunshine and thinking about how I can solve my problems.

I’d just like to thank those who are reading my blog and taking the time out to do so. Your support is much appreciated and I hope I’m not boring you with my tales of woe. Telling your friends about the blog and my book would also be appreciated. Focusing on a second and third book is also helping me to remain positive.

I look forward to hearing from you soon

Love and best wishes