Angel Bayley on a beach ball as a child.

This is me sitting on a beach ball as a little girl. In some ways I had more control over my life then, before things went wrong, than I do even now, when I feel as if I am being helplessly bounced around between various authorities.

Hi, everyone.

I hope you are all feeling well.

Thank goodness for my named nurse

I was going to talk to you more about my police interview but having read what I posted last night there isn’t much more to say, apart from thank goodness for my named nurse last night, and his understanding when things were difficult during the night.

Awkward and hostile, threat of Section 3

Today has been fairly uneventful, apart from a meeting I had with my consultant at 11.30. She arrived at 11.45 and we went into one of the side rooms. She wanted to talk about my dissociation. She couldn’t get to grips with what happens and was adamant that I need monitoring. I explained that dissociation wouldn’t happen while I was here and, more importantly, while staff remained in the office and away from where the patients area. She was insistent, and I feel sure now it was an excuse for her to stop me from going home on leave. She even discussed my possibly going onto a section 3, even though I wasn’t giving anyone cause for concern. After a very awkward and hostile conversation she agreed I could go home for:

  • 17.00 – 21.00 tonight
  • 10.00 – 18.00 tomorrow (Friday)
  • 10.00 Saturday – 18.00 Sunday
  • Hospital Monday and Tuesday ready for ward round (multi-disciplinary team meeting)

Utter rubbish

I really had to fight for this, and her only defence for not allowing long amounts of leave, despite Andrew being at home tomorrow and all weekend, was that she wanted me monitored for any dissociation. I’m so frustrated as she has to confirm with the police that I do dissociate, even though staff or her don’t witness it. Her theory for a section 3 also is that I am a potential danger to others (the girls), which is utter rubbish.

Patients left to sort out fight themselves

The day has been long with very little to do apart from drink tea. Time seemed to pass slowly as I was counting the minutes down until Andrew came to pick me up. He arrived on the dot and we went to our local for some tea and a drink. Laura was at her friends, so Andrew and I made the most of time alone at the pub and at home. We had a lovely time and 9 p.m. was upon me before I knew it. I arrived back at the ward bang on 9 and the staff had not even noticed I’d gone. Apparently, according to other patients, the staff had all been in the office all night and the patients even had to sort a highly fuelled altercation between two of them themselves.

Worried about losing my job

Tomorrow is a worrying day. I am due to be suspended from work, because it’s policy if you have been arrested for anything. I could even be disciplined for not telling my employers straightaway. My meeting is at my ambulance station with my manager at 13.00. If I am not gagged by the service I will let you all know how I get on tomorrow evening. Tonight is going to be difficult as I’m very worried about my job, which is very dear to me and is also a huge protective factor for me. Working is my best therapy. I have never performed badly on the job. In fact, I am often praised for my work. On the occasions when I’ve felt unwell I have always complied with the Health Professionals Council’s Code of Conduct, and reported sick.

I will speak to you all tomorrow and I hope you have a good day.

Love and best wishes

Angela x